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NOTE: I wrote this draft about six months ago, and today I have a little more respect towards the Wii Remote. Don’t get me wrong though; I still have issues with it and some of what I’ve said here is still in effect. Enjoy.

Hey, no disrespect to all of those Wiimote huggers out there – this my sole opinion about it, and it doesn’t change the fact that I still love Nintendo no matter what. With that said, I wanted to go deeper with my hatred towards this little device. Yeah, at first it’s pretty fun to swing it around and think it’s the coolest thing around, but once you figure out that the whole thing is an illusion that Nintendo created to make you flail like a fool with it…it doesn’t sound fun at all now, does it?

Let’s start with the basics: the evolution of the controller. Back then, we had the GameCube controller, which was mighty fine and one of the best out there. The WaveBird itself is so awesome that I still have it firmly placed in my Wii to play my old GameCube games and, of course, Smash Bros. Brawl. However, when the Wii Remote was announced, everyone was shocked to see that it’s all in one hand only. It was “simplified” to the point that it only has one main face button and a trigger. Nothing more. Yeah, there’s a Control Pad, there’s buttons 1 and 2…but seriously, do I ever use them when playing games on the Wii? It’s painfully awkward to use the Control Pad as a button in games like Twilight Princess or Metroid Prime. Why couldn’t they use the same button setup as the GameCube controller? I mean, it’s still a big button surrounded by three other buttons. It’s still simple. But no, they decided to keep only ONE button. Why?

Supposedly, to make it easy for non-gamers join in. Non-gamers. Of all people. Make this whole new idea of “motion control” be the central idea. Point-n-click, shake-a-lot gaming. Really? Well, I’ll take for granted that the Nintendo DS had a similar setup, but the touch screen proved effective because it’s far more responsive than shaking your hand with a wand. But you know why the NDS was better? You still have traditional controls on it. When developers want to do gaming old-school, they can. With Wii, they must take into account that not everybody thinks 20 bucks for a Classic Controller is affordable or really necessary. So they must tack in motion control because “it’s the trend” and “it’s the most popular setting”.

But of course, they can go ahead with a different setup: NES-style Wiimote. Okay, I’ll give it to you – it’s not that hard to play it that way. But I seriously don’t like it. I don’t feel comfortable playing games that way. Yeah, there’s some third-party shells to help alleviate this, but Why do I want to remove my Wiimote from its jacket to put it in a stupid shell? Really? I want it to be comfortable from the beginning. It doesn’t help that the newly-released WiiMotionPlus elongates the controller even more that it’s absolutely a pain in the ass to play it NES-style.

And that’s where this story gets even funnier: Nintendo, in an attempt to satisfy developers craving for more precision in their games, released the WiiMotionPlus, a $20 add-on that makes motion gaming more precise. Now, I won’t jab at the accessory because I absolutely love it, since Wii Sports Resort is an awesome little game and I’m really hyped for Skyward Sword. I’m jabbing at Nintendo’s decision to release it later – and, of course, making it an add-on. So yeah, WiiM+ makes motion gaming far more intuitive and responsive (and close to the real deal), but it just shows how silly the Wiimote by itself is.

And you know what’s even more amusing? By the release of Monster Hunter Tri, Nintendo made a new version of the Classic Controller, once relegated to a minor role as the controller to play Virtual Console titles. The CC Pro, sporting a cooler black color and redesigned for comfort (and it looks deceptively like a DualShock!), has appeared to finally give what most of us wanted: NO MORE GIMMICKY MOTION GAMING. While we wait for games to appear to support the controller (I’m looking at you, GoldenEye), it’s still sad that it’s a separate accessory that costs 20 bucks.

By the end of E3 2010, we learned that we’re getting better games and more support to classic control, and if you don’t have WiiM+ you’ll be sorry. In all honesty, Nintendo should stop shoving up Wiimotes in our asses already. Hey, if this is supposed to force fatties to get off their couches and be active it isn't working, dudes; they’ll just go ahead and buy a damn 360 or PS3 instead. Stick in your $200 bundles a Classic Controller Pro from now on…and maybe go ahead and include some good games in it. I dunno, maybe a GoldenEye bundle in the future. THAT will get serious gamers (and Nintendo longtime fans like me) to play a damn Wii once and for all.

F***in’ Wiimotes…how do they work?