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Investors are pressuring Nintendo to start developing games on smartphones such as the mega-popular iPhone and the open-source Android phones by Google, but Satoru Iwata is shooting down every dream (or nightmare, depending on which side of the fence you’re at) of seeing Mario or Zelda outside the Nintendo 3DS or Wii. It just boils down to a single statement: so long as Iwata is in charge, there will be no chance that a first-party game will ever appear on a smartphone. Pokémon doesn’t count anymore; they’ve become more or less a separate identity and made themselves completely independent (for the most part), with only the major titles like the main entries or the spin-offs being published by Nintendo like any other second-party series. That doesn’t mean we’re about to see Pokémon on a Sony or Microsoft platform – it simply means that they have far more liberty than any of the other Nintendo franchises. Why do you think they could create the awesome Golbal Link and Dream World for PC in the first place?

But here’s the sad truth: smartphones are becoming more and more as the mainstream device of choice whenever you want to choose an entertainment device. I’m not talking about the reason why the 3DS flopped – that was just Nintendo’s stupidity to release it way too early in the first place. They’re losing stock not only for their errors with the console, but also because they’re sticking to an age-old formula of doing things your own way, without hearing what people want. This was somewhat rectified thanks to the Wii U, but even then people were confused after E3 went by thinking if this was a new console or a new controller, or if the Wii U will ever have quality titles on launch unlike the 3DS.

And now the 3DS has a price drop, and investors are just shrugging it off like it’s a laughable strategy. “OH LOOK!! THEY’RE DESPERATE!! Fuck you, Nintendo, I’ve got an Android to TLC.”

Is a Nintendo Phone imminent? Probably not. But I can bet your ass that if the 3DS doesn’t skyrocket the way it should by the end of the year, prepare yourself for the announcement of the Nintendo 3DS Phone.

Look, the whole “touchscreen and 3D don’t mix well” excuse Iwata gave is just plain bullshit. Look at this smartphone here:

The HTC EVO 3D. Multi-touchscreen, glasses-free 3D. Sleek and smooth, uses Android technology, can take 3D pictures. But I’m not here to promote a Sprint phone, I’m mostly pointing out that a touchscreen within a 3D screen is entirely possible, and Nintendo should have known that from the start. Of course, a multi-touchscreen is far more expensive than the DS’s single-touchscreen, so I can see what Nintendo meant. But a phone isn’t meant to be cheap – after all, you’re gonna make a 2-year data/phone contract with that greedy wireless service just to get that awesome gadget they’re offering. So Nintendo shouldn’t be scared of taking that risk in the first place.

Now, a 3DS Phone you say? How would it work? First of all, Nintendo already said that they won’t do their stuff for another platform. What’s the next step? Make your own! By bringing the 3DS Phone into the market, not only you’ll give people an option for people to jump in a different smartphone, but you’ll also have access to Nintendo’s 3DS library, the eShop, and of course, backwards compatibility with the DS. Even if they used a proprietary OS, if it’s easy to migrate from other OS sources, other companies will be more than happy to develop for the new gadget.

And now you ask: but what’s up with the Xperia Play? Didn’t that flop as well?

The Xperia Play was a frickin’ experiment by Sony to see if there was a market out there interested in a smartphone like that, but they flopped because the phone simply SUCKED like the rest of the Sony Ericsson line. Nintendo is different. They deliver quality stuff in whatever they do. And besides, the XPlay had PS1 ports; the 3DS has (and will have more) games made from the ground up for the console, which makes it even more appealing.

And finally, it boils down to aggressive marketing. Apple succeeded the same way with the iPhone. I don’t see why Nintendo shouldn’t do the same. Give out a smartphone that has all the features of the 3DS, improved battery, controls, a growing eShop library, Virtual Console support, PLUS 4G technology from the most reliable network on the USA…Verizon Motherfucking Wireless. With just that, not only you would be a huge contender for the poor iPhone and all the little Androids…but also take a huge chunk out of Sony’s PlayStation Vita as well.

Nintendo has the chance to make their portable industry fun again…it’s just up to them to switch focus and plow through.